


Now, stand back for your own safety

by 19_empty_vacancies



Series: Ferb, I know what we're going to do today [3]
Category: Captain - Fandom, Captain America (Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Clint quotes The Hangover, I honestly can't even tell if this is crack, I laughed when I made a How I Met Your Mother reference, Jane is seriously scatterbrained, Star Trek References, Steve and Bucky were not prepared for this, Thor totally gave Darcy a sehlat, please tell me someone gets the Jay and Silent Bob references
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-04
Updated: 2016-04-04
Packaged: 2018-05-31 06:12:02
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,195
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6458992
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/19_empty_vacancies/pseuds/19_empty_vacancies
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sequel to <i>But there's always something going on</i><br/>Clint unknowingly quotes The Hangover, Darcy is sleep deprived, curses art assignments and Jane's scatterbrain and the geriatric duo meet Snoogans and Thor is literally just there to have a good time.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Now, stand back for your own safety

**Author's Note:**

> So I wrote this because someone (you know who you are) wanted the boys to meet Snoogans and of course I had to write something and let me tell you, this kind of got away from me because I had an idea and then it just ran rampant. Whoops. I'm trying to get on top of that.
> 
> Also, the hand gesture I mention Darcy doing is the weird hand gesture that Bam Margera does, there's a gif of it but I am way too lazy to find it and deal with embedding it here so whatevs.
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
> I lied. You're welcome.
> 
> Story title is from For Your Protection! by The Aquabats.

“There’s a tiger in the bathroom!”

Darcy shifted her focus from studying to widen her frame of sight to also include the surrounding atmosphere and blearily lifted her head from her notes to see Clint’s wide panicked eyes. “What?”

“There’s a jungle cat in the bathroom!”

“Seriously?”

On any other day, one where she didn’t have 4 pens in her hair and wasn’t surrounded by her three art diaries, loose handouts, art print outs, artist research and multiple text books, one where she hadn’t gotten up early to continue her stupid essay and had had more than 9 hours sleep over the past 3 days then she would have laughed at Clint’s unwitting movie quote.

But it wasn’t any other day; she was tired as fuck and had just been pulled out of a panic-induced-oh-god-I-really-need-to-pass-this-fucking-assignment stupor so forgive her for missing the opportunity to snort and make a joke about putting on a pair of pants, I feel weird I need to ask twice.

(There will be other opportunities for the joke, they live in Avengers tower and random shit happens _all the time._ )

Blinking slowly, Darcy processed Clint’s previous sentences and how freaked he looked, blinked again, then sighed. 

Damn it, Jane.

“Was it big?”

Clint nodded rapidly, “It was huge, ginormous!” 

It registered that it was weird to see the archer so nervous and out of sorts about something and came to the conclusion that he must be equally, if not more, sleep deprived then she was. She thinks she remembers something about him needing to leave for a mission about a week ago and this was probably him returned with absolutely no sleep. 

Looking mournfully at her laptop screen, specifically the mockingly blinking black line beside her last written word, Darcy sighed deeply and pushed herself up off of the floor,wincing slightly at the loud cracking her knees did and straightened the huge Clockwork Orange she’d bought a week ago for like 4 bucks because the store was closing down and had honestly been wearing for just as long.

“Clint, I want you to pre’ please go to the labs for me and grab Jane. I don’t care if she’s busy, bring her here. This is a learning experience and she needs to remember to be careful when leaving our room.”

He didn’t seem to question why she needed Jane or pick up on the ‘leaving our room’ part which solidified her guess of him being like, super-mega-ultra fucking tired yo. She watched as he took off in the direction of the elevator before turning to look at the direction Clint had originally come from and narrowed it down to the two bathrooms by the left of the floor, tucked away behind a wall that lead to a closet that probably lead to a secret passage. 

Tony was eccentric and a gazillionaire. He knew how to spend his money and so far Darcy had found 12 different secret rooms, halls and stairways that cut down time to certain destinations. Avengers tower was like Hogwarts man, and she was beginning to think she should create a map à la Marauders. 

She probably could once she finished her degree, at least then it would be stylish and on point with everything around the place.

Clint reappears with Jane while she was in the middle of mentally imagining what the Tower map would look like and its colour scheme. Shaking herself out of her ideas, Darcy pins Jane with a withering, stern look which has Jane’s shoulders pulling up, somehow knowing that this is going to be a “Bad Jane” moment and is making herself smaller to look at.

“What is my number one rule about our apartment?”

“Uh, if you find it in the couch cushions then it’s yours?”

“No, Jane, my other number one rule?”

“New is always better?”

Sometimes, Darcy could really understand where Leonard McCoy is coming from with all the sighing and nose pinching and the “Damn it man!” and the grumbling. Jane makes her do all of these things and more. Case and point right now with the nose pinching and sighing.

“No, Jane, my _other_ number one rule.”

Jane frowned at her scuffed shoes. “Always be careful when coming and going and make sure the door actually closes.”

Darcy nodded, “That would be the one.” Flicking her gaze to Clint who was standing a couple feet away, watching them with interest she nodded in his direction. “Clint wants to show you something.” He seemed to understand what she meant and walked over to them, gently taking Jane’s arm and leading her down the hall.

The resounding “Dang it” echoed nicely and made Darcy nod glad that Jane was grasping the situation.

Jane came back with a sheepish expression and fingers twining over themselves, Jane’s habit when she’s nervous or feeling like she’s done something bad. Honestly it just made her look like a chastised 10 year old girl and it made it kind of hard to stay mad at her. She opened her mouth to say something but Darcy just shook her head. “Just apologize to Clint for inadvertently scaring the shit out of him and then go get something to eat.”

Jane swung her big hazel eyes on the archer and gave a self-deprecating smile. “Sorry for accidentally letting Snoogans out and scaring you. I really didn’t mean to and I honestly don’t know how he got in there.”

It was kind of a proven fact at this point (what with all the mindless shit she’s pulled in the past purely by accident) that this was the best that they were going to get but hey, at least it was a sincere apology and Jane actually registered that she’d done something wrong. It was a step up from the time Jane had accidentally electrocuted their neighbour’s cat. Tigger was fine, just a little jumpy after that.

And no, the irony was not lost on them.

Darcy waved and rolled her hand twice in the air as she walked away which caused Jane to huff (she knew straight up that she’d just gotten the “whatever bitch” hand flick à la Bam and Darcy was impressed deep down that she registered what she’d done) before turning back to Clint.

“If that’s all, uh, I’d kind of like to go back to my lab now.”

The look she got in return was definitely not necessary. “What the hell? What about that thing in the bathroom?”

Jane shrugged, “Darcy will get him out. Thor won’t be back for a while so he can’t take him and play with Snoogans so she’ll just keep him with her while she studies.” As soon as the words were out of her mouth Jane flinched a little. “Studies which I had promised not to interrupt because she has a very important assignment due today, damn it. I’m really going to need to make it up to her for this one, argh.”

And on that note, she made her exit in the form of her making her way to the elevator to retreat and possibly hide out in her lab.

…

You know that episode of _The Grim Adventures of Billy and Mandy_ where Billy has to do a book report and it takes him until he’s like 80 to complete? Yes? Well that’s exactly how Darcy feels 6 hours later after proof reading and fact checking her essay for the fifth time. She knows for a fact that an hour later and she would have succumbed to frustrated tears and possibly just thrown her laptop away (without even saving her thrice edited 9,394 word essay) and would feel no remorse. 

Sighing happily, glad that that mother fucker was finished and a small weight was lifted off her shoulders, Darcy settled back against the front of the couch and looked down at the large head settled in her lap, placed just so that his 6 inch fangs settled against her inner thigh and weren’t digging into any soft flesh. 

“I’m finally done, Snoogans.”

(And yes, it occurred to her that that sentence if used in the same sense as Jay Phat Buds would have used it, meant that that was a joke. Shuddup.)

The sehlat’s eyes opened and large amber orbs flicked up to look up at her and Snoogans gave a gentle huff while she began to play with the soft fur of his ears. A low rumbling purr vibrated against her thigh and a muted thumping alerted her to the fact that he was flicking his long lion like tail against the carpet. 

“Aw, you like your ears played with.”

The sight that greeted Steve, Bucky and Thor when they came home from their day out taking in the sights was not exactly one that they were expecting. Stretched out on its back was a fanged, dark brown furred creature which seemed to dwarf Darcy who was slumped against its side rubbing at the soft, lighter toned fur of its belly; long tail flicking contently. Examining the creature closely, Steve noted soft toned spots interspersed throughout the long fur. Hearing their approach, Darcy looked over her shoulder and shot them a large smile.

“Hey, boys, how’s it going?”

Before Steve could go into details about their day, the giant thing that Darcy had been petting rolled over onto its large paws and bounded over to jump on Thor who caught it with a booming laugh. The creature settled comfortably with its forelegs bracing on Thor’s shoulders while it began to lick at his beard and hair; a loud rumbling purr filling the still air.

“You are growing quite wondrously, young cub. You will make a fearsome warrior yet. The Lady Darcy is rearing you well.” 

Bucky felt like he was going to have a coronary because _are you fucking kidding him?_ That thing wasn’t fully grown yet? “The hell is that thing?”

Bucky cut his gaze to Darcy who stood with multiple joints cracking which made both he and Steve wince because that just couldn’t be good for her and walked over to stand between the two so they could all watch Thor as he began what can only be described as rough housing with the creature.

“That, my dear Centurion, is Snoogans.”

Steve looked down at her with wide eyes. “The thing, sehlat, whatever, you told Jane to be careful with when going into your apartment last night?” 

“Yup.” 

At his silence she flicked her gaze up to him and frowned. “What did you think he was?”

“Sorry, it’s just when you said that last night the most I was picturing was some kind of over energetic dog or something. Not some kind of supped up prehistoric bear with fangs and a lion’s tail.” 

Darcy furrowed her brows and looked up between the two men flanking her sides. “You both thought he was a dog?”

At twin nods she raised her eyebrow.

“You hear me describe him as _two hundred and fifty pounds_ and think I’m talking about a dog? Son, the first thing that comes to mind when I hear that weight is a fucking female Polar Bear. I gotta buy you guys a book on animals or take you to the zoo or something, man, that’s just not good.”

Darcy shook her head. “A fucking dog; wow, I mean, Thor offered to get me one of the animal aids from a different planet that he told me hunting warriors use which he described as like, a huge wolf but from what I’ve gathered they don’t grow to nearly the same size as full grown sehlats. Hell, Snoogans isn’t even the biggest species; he’s one of the domesticated ones who are smaller. The wild ones that live in the southern jungles of their home planet are bigger and their tusks are _definitely_ bigger.”

This didn’t seem to comfort them at all if Bucky’s slightly pale face was anything to go by but she wasn’t worried. She knew the drawing power her trusted companion had and knew without a doubt that the two would be comfortable with his presence, playing with and training with him within a month.

(And she was right, Thor told the two that sehlats require rigorous exercise and while Darcy did her best to let him run around in the massive gym that took up an entire floor; she couldn’t exactly do everything and they were more than happy to help.)

Their exposure to Darcy’s massive beast of a pet was slow going but the three were often found lounging in her apartment slowly going through Steve and James’ lists of movies that they were recommended to watch; Snoogans stretched out either across the three of them or on the floor in front of the couch. 

Steve’s sketch book was slowly beginning to fill with detailed character shots of the sehlat, close up charcoal images of Snoogans’ spots, his paws, close up side portraits of his face and one that Darcy had found and plastered to her fridge of her asleep curled up against his chest while Snoogans was laying on his side, right foreleg holding her close.


End file.
